A Poem For Rutland House


I’m in therapy for god sake I didn’t think I would be, but I didn’t realise this would be the best thing for me, I was the strongest person I knew, always the funniest in the crew, but I didn’t realise in my mind the devil was feeding, living off my traumas and flaws it was breeding, hadn’t ever thought my mind would need deseeding, all these negative fears and thoughts, had grown into all sorts, I didn’t have barriers I had castles and big forts, I didn’t know I had these issues In my head, wouldn’t even occur to me when I would see red, no idea didn’t understand, never properly reached out or wanted a helping hand, yeah I would seek assistance financially, but not the real issues that were my reality, I finally got to the bottom of my problems, I now know how to deal with what comes, but in the process I lost the fake ones, so I know who the pros are from the cons, so this episode did have its advantages, as I am only surrounded by those who have escaped the rages, the people who said they would be there, couldn’t handle me when my soul was bare, now I have a smaller circle but of people who care, having people who love you is very rare, but before anyone else its inside you have to stare, learn who you are and what makes you tick, you don’t have a problem and your not sick, you just need to talk and open up your mind and heart, that can be real tough but it’s a start, don’t listen to any preconception about counselling, as wait until you see the joy it will bring, they are their to listen and help you find, the route of those negative thoughts why to yourself your unkind, not to judge or shame or find someone to blame, but to make you feel more at ease, no one else matters it’s you they have to appease, so take solace from me looking out on the seas, looking up at the sky feeling the breeze, before counselling I would capitulate and freeze, but now having been to Rutland House, I am roaring like a lion not hiding like a mouse, counselling is really not that bad, I was able to talk about the problems that I had, it was easier then talking to someone I know, as you will hold back and your progress will be slow, go and see someone who won’t be familiar, could be a woman or even a sir, not that it really matters, they just want to help you before anything shatters, so please take it from someone who hated to talk, now I have a spring in my step whenever i walk, don’t lose to the mind as the thoughts will constantly stalk, don’t sink low fly high like a hawk, the only way to rise up is with your counsellor and having a talk.


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